It’s October. October is here already…!? Fuuuuuuck.
Like a lot of people, I expected for 2016 to to my break out year. It started pretty strong with several shoots to get me ahead of my goal of a couple of shoots a month. Then it kinda — fizzled. I lost focus and the hustle disappeared. But, unlike many things I lose interest in, I decided this is too important to let go.
I need to work harder.
The same happened with the design side of my career. I promised myself that I would sketch more. And do more freelance work.I need to build my portfolio beyond the stuff I do on a daily basis. I need to get out of web design and do something more “creative.” I need to become a better artist. I am DEFINITELY not a web designer. After doing this for a while, it’s just not me… But I don’t necessarily KNOW how to become a better artist. What does that mean?
I want to be a photographer and videographer and I want to use my design skills to propel me in the direction of motion graphics and special effects. I want to be a rockstar, but I have yet to shoot and edit a video that I have actually posted and gotten feedback from and learned something from. Still working on it. I have yet to be published in a magazine for my photography. Still working on it.
So, here I am. Sitting in a cube, designing website assets and my camera has been packed away for the last week.
Fuuuuuuck. Not where I want to be.
So, I have done what I have always done and I have gotten to where I have always gotten. No further. I have realized that I need to be uncomfortable to move forward. But am I prepared to be uncomfortable to get there. So when does that moment happen? How much longer do I stand at the top of the cliff and just look over, too afraid to jump?
I’ll be 41 in a couple of months. I don’t feel old, but I have lived way too long to not be where I want to be. But where do I want to be? Other than being a photo/video/motion “Brockstar,” I don’t know. And I know even less how to get there. But, I need to prove to myself that I don’t want to be in the same place at the end of 2017.
Another rant from someone who is getting a bit anxious that I am letting life pass me by and I have yet to live it… Sorry to be so depressing.