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I Didn’t Wanna Leave Ya Hangin’

Been a little bit since my last post. I have been crushed at work with creating marketing messages for new product releases. I have been getting out of the office late and have had little time for myself. That sucks! But what doesn’t suck is that I have a few photo shoots scheduled for the weekend!

My favorite curvy muse, Khrist, is stopping by to give me a little redemption after my last shoot. I have decided to keep this shoot simple and focus on only a couple of looks with magazine styled lighting to try and put together some shots to get us in a magazine somewhere!

In addition, I have been in constant contact with cosplayers all over the DMV area and have made plans to work with a few of them this weekend as well. Look forward to a female Iron Man and more from the Brockstar!

If that cosplay goodness was not enough, I have been speaking with my fellow otaku about the upcoming Otakon anime convention and I am super-stoked about shooting tons of shots there! I am most looking forward to a female Scorpion from Mortal Kombat as we shed a little sensual light on this murderous mistress.

I have realized how much I miss out on during the day, doing work that is uninspiring. I get so worked up and excited about the photo and video stuff, as well as design, but this production design work is really weighing me down. I had a thought on my commute this morning about something a business professional said recently — “if the work you are doing doesn’t scare the living shit out of you, you are doing the wrong thing.” I find that so true. I have been a graphic designer for most of my professional career. And while I LOVE design and creation, the quick-turnaround here-use-this-template-and-plug-in-my-changes kind of work is a grind. I don’t get a chance to develop my creative thinking because there is no design strategy or process. I fell into design because I knew the software and I can do things quickly, and I also like organizing information. I was designing logos and business cards and corporate branding before I really knew what any of that actually was. But it doesn’t scare me. I’m not pushing any borders or boundaries. The type of daily work I do doesn’t want that.

On the other hand, that shoot I had with Khrist a couple of weeks ago really fucked me up. It scared the shit outta me that I didn’t know what I was doing and I struggled as much as I did. I have been really hard on myself for not getting the results I wanted, but it was all my fault and I am working harder to become better. Even for this shoot, I see some of the pics she posted from other photographers and I criticize myself hard for not having more creative solutions for our upcoming shoot. I have not developed that creative process yet. I am searching for my own identity let alone the identity I want my brand to have.

While I know the direction I want to move in, I have not yet created my “look.” I don’t have the “vision.” I think part of it also is that I have not met “my” models yet. The ones who are either creating or are looking for the photographer that shares the same vision.  I have made connections with models through some of the AMAZING mentors I have had along the way like Charles Gardner, Shane Evans, Tarik Jones, and Dave Mattos. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you. I admire these photographers because they have developed a very clear vision of what they want to shoot and have chosen models that fit into their vision. They have been so consistent in their practice that models seek them out because they want to be a part of what they do. That’s where I want to be. And I believe that my next evolutionary step is to visualize my brand. What do I want it to look like? What do I want to be known for? Then assemble the team along the way that can help me get there.

The fact that I care and I want to work to improve and I spend hours watching video tutorials and practicing shows me that I want to move in a different direction. At this point, it’s just fear keeping me here. It’s comfort. I know I can do my job and do it well. I don’t know if I can become a successful photographer or cinematographer, and frankly that scares me shitless. But hey, I must be doing something right.

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